Today we have the second part of our 5 part series on feminist weddings (missed the first one on proposals and engagement ring shopping? Click here to read!) and are discussing wedding planning as a whole – who should be doing it and how to plan more equally.
It has always been mentioned that when it comes to wedding planning, the bride is usually the one who plans everything. Maybe with their friends, and with a little input from their partner at some point. If like many people, what you really want is to plan a feminist wedding – then both partners need to be equally involved in the planning process. Often it can get a little misconstrued that feminists want to do everything themselves. Actually, feminists want equal rights for everyone so planning your wedding as equals really highlights this. It still might look different for each couple but here are some ways that you can plan your wedding from a feminist perspective.
Split roles and responsibilities equally
We’ve all heard the term ‘Bridezilla’ – the bride who goes a little crazy planning her wedding to exactly the way she wants it without really consulting or considering anyone else involved. There is no place for a ‘Bridezilla’ in feminist weddings as both partners should be planning the wedding together.
Decide what roles you both want to have and what responsibilities you each want to take right from the start of the process. This way you both get to make decisions on important aspects. The key here is to make them equal to one another so split up the important tasks such as venue finding and supplier sourcing.
Have regular discussions and check-ins with each other
This links with the above. If you are planning your wedding together then you should schedule or have regular check-ins with one another. Discuss your findings or people you like and make the big decisions together. Think about what makes both of you who you are and factor this in.
Not only is this really beneficial so that on the actual day you both know who is going to be there and doing what, but it can also be lovely to schedule time together (especially if you’re very busy people) and sit down and talk about your wedding day plans. Nobody wants to turn up on their wedding day not having any idea as to what is going on do they?
Keeping track and listening to each other’s ideas also means you have fewer conflicts – and isn’t that everybody’s dream whilst wedding planning? Make sure you also take time to check-in on how each of you is feeling. Wedding planning can be stressful, so be honest with each other about your emotions and worries. Be there for each other.
WANT SOME WEDDING WELLBEING ADVICE? READ HERE.
Split the cost between you both
Typically if you are wanting a feminist wedding then you would agree that paying for the wedding between the two of you is the right option. Of course, agreements might be made with a family that just can’t be shaken but let’s say you do agree that paying yourself is the right thing.
Splitting the costs equally between both partners is the perfect way to feel you have both had an equal part to play, just as we recently discussed both paying for the engagement ring. Agreeing on the budget upfront when you start planning will help keep things on track. Stick to the budget and check in with each other regularly. You might have a joint account or if not then consider setting up a wedding account that you both put money into and pay for everything for the day from. Doing this creates real equality and then there are no discussions or disputes as to who is going to pay for what and who has paid more than the other.
You may also decide to split the costs to the same % you pay the bills normally. This is where for example, one partner earns twice a much so contributes more than the other. Whatever your arrangement is and you decide is fair, together, is the way forward.
These are just 3 ways that you can plan your wedding in an equal way. Openly talking and discussing your options together makes everything a lot easier. Plus, deciding from the offset that everything is going to be done together makes both of you feel involved and excited. Wedding planning can be a challenge so what better way to do it than by doing it jointly together. And let’s all agree to banish the word Bridezilla right?
Want more ideas on feminist weddings? Check out our blog “How to have a feminist wedding that feels truly right for both of you”
IF YOU FOUND THIS USEFUL PLEASE DO PIN IT TO YOUR PINTEREST BOARDS