How To Deal With Expectations and Acceptance In Your Marriage

Do you have unrealistic expectations? Are you struggling with acceptance in your marriage or relationship? Today we have the absolute pleasure of welcoming back our guest blogger and ‘Agony Aunt’ Ali Moore of Be Moore, a relationship therapist and coach, helping you live and love your relationships! She answers the burning questions so you don’t have to wonder!

Today’s topic on International Acceptance Day is you guessed it, acceptance! Let’s hear what she has to say about it, and get her expert advice on how to deal with expectations and acceptance in your marriage or relationship...

“Acceptance for me has become a vital part of my work, my own growth and a key element in any relationship. What was once for me a word that meant resignation or giving in now stands for a powerful tool in which choice is given and new opportunities can be found, along with peace of mind.”

“So often in the therapy space, we turn to talk of what the partner does not do (rather than what they do). We discuss how they have not lived up to what was expected, and what is missing. It becomes a whole list of flaws and often after exploration, it seems many of these ‘expectations’ were not offered in the first place. However we change over time and the difficulty is not the flaws, not the change, but the ability to flow with it and realise that we cannot control everything, and we cannot make our partner be something else. In some cases, we have to take a step back and accept!”

“I remember vividly a conversation with a friend who has a long-term debilitating illness; she described a turning point in her quality of life and she stopped trying to fight against her illness and started to live with it. She accepted. And so, we come can come full circle. However, does this mean simply resigning yourself to less? To giving in? or to be accepting of, for example, abusive or toxic behaviour in a relationship? Absolutely NOT! Acceptance is the realisation of what is reality. What is happening, who is behaving how, and what each other wants. It’s to stop trying to force change or ostrich-style bury your head in the ground.”

“I ask my clients to really look into their relationship and we ‘audit’ it to really see what’s there and how each other feels. Acceptance means you are seeing it for what it is and who they are. You have a choice! To look to communicate and see if a compromise can be reached, to simply sit back and say, actually it’s OK now I see it, or of course to choose to make changes yourself. You cannot change them.”