I’ve Heard That Sex Stops After You Get Married? Help!
“There is so much to write about when it comes to sex and marriage, and this is a very common question/concern. But don’t panic there is no reason why sex stops (and that would be awful in fact!) and lots of reasons why sex can just get better (happy days!) so let’s explore this. In a nutshell, it’s a mix of both timing and science. By the time most people get married you have been together a good while so that part at the beginning where you can’t get enough of each other – hormones and endorphins racing all over the place, working out if your partner is the one best to be with … some of that has already died down. You may live together and life, in general, is taking over, plus with marriage may come children, which can all take its toll.”
“Here’s another interesting piece of info – in a relationship we need a mix of both excitement whilst feeling secure. A strange paradox is explored in detail by the fabulous Psychologist Ester Perel, author of Mating in Captivity. The excitement and the need to keep each other close and wanting each other creates the desire – marriage is in many ways the total opposite – it’s a commitment – it is feeling like this is it – we are now officially together if not forever but for a good long while. And that is not desire – that is comfort. And comfort is another thing which can lead to a decrease of activity in the bedroom.”
“So how to combat this lack of getting it on with each other? Taking those same concepts and seeing the security of being married I would hope that this is linked to trust. Trusting your partner is sexy as you can try new things so you can focus on quality not quantity. You can build your sex life into your general life. Make agreements on staying connected, even schedule it in; yes scheduling works well as we can’t all be spontaneous when you’re holding down a job, having kids perhaps and doing chores. Marriage can be a great basis for getting creative with your intimacy and it’s important to keep the little things going, like hugs, touch, notes and messages during the day. Marriage isn’t about stopping your sex life – it’s about evolving it and that can open up some exciting doors.”
So don’t be despondent – marriage says you are the one for me nothing is sexier than that!
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