Wedding planning and tying the knot is just the beginning of the journey for the two of you as a couple. Now we’re well established when it comes to giving you all the wedding planning advice and inspiration that you need but we decided we didn’t want it to stop there. Recently we collaborated with BUPA to share The Secrets To A Long-Lasting Happy Marriage and decided to keep the momentum going with our habits for a happy marriage series. We want to talk more deeply about what habits you can include as a couple in your marriage to be happier and more fulfilled. Today, we are talking about sex and intimacy and how you can incorporate habits into your sex life to maintain intimacy throughout your marriage and, feel happy and connected to your partner.
Intimacy and sex are often two topics that don’t get quite enough attention for many reasons. They are, however, a natural part of any relationship so shouldn’t be something to feel embarrassed about or not take care of. We have dating and relationship expert Clarissa Bloom from The Stag Company who gives us her top tips on how to create these habits for a happy marriage. Take a look at these tips for creating habits around intimacy and sex…
1 – Commit to talking and trying one another’s passions or fantasies
Communication is vital in the bedroom and it’s important in your marriage to be open with one another about things that you like and dislike. Everyone has things they fantasise about or want to try but often, we keep things bottled up through fear of what the other person might think. If you don’t talk about it, how will you know your partner won’t want to try it?
Create a habit where every fortnight, month (or whatever works for your both) you take turns to communicate something you like or want to try in your sex life. This can be something as simple as a new position or even introducing role play or toys into the bedroom. It is important to make sure to listen carefully and respect your partner. Clarissa says; “It should be 50/50 in regards to more than just pleasure, but also anything someone wants to try. You may both have your fantasies, your fetishes or interests, you may not share them, but it is important to respect your partners’ interests (within reason) and for them to respect yours and to ensure you’re both trying equally”.
2 – Take a moment for the small acts of intimacy
At the start of relationships, small gestures and acts of intimacy are what get us all excited, but can you honestly say you still do those small acts regularly? Little actions such as cuddles before bed, hand-holding and kissing are all small acts of intimacy that go a long way! Clarissa says; “Most couples stop holding hands as much as when they were earlier in a relationship, so surprise your partner and start holding their hand more in public. Remind yourself of the things you used to do when you first got together and embrace these intimate actions”.
3 – Factor in regular time away from your house
Clarissa has observed that “we tend to become more sexually creative when on holiday and then revert to our usual bedroom habits once back home”. Why not encourage more spontaneity in your sex life and commit to the habit of spending time away from your own house every so often. Being in a routine and the safety of our own space can sometimes become monotonous and we often get into habits that don’t satisfy us. Factor in a few nights away per year where it is just the two of you, and allow yourself some time to be more sexually creative and free without any of your days to day distractions. You can even do more of point number 1!
4 – Compliment each other, even in public
We aren’t talking about PDA’S (public displays of affection), we are talking about vocal compliments that make your partner feel appreciated. This is something that can often fall back if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time but it is something that should be a regular habit. If your partner makes you a nice meal – tell them! If they are wearing something you like – tell them! If they make you laugh or smile – tell them! Even if you are in public, this is a habit that makes a huge difference. It makes people feel loved and appreciated, therefore increasing happiness and pleasure. Happiness in other areas can also lead to increased happiness in your sex life too.
5 – Educate yourselves
Everybody’s sexual habits, likes and motivation change over time and we all have times when we just aren’t feeling the same two sex positions anymore. Why not commit to regularly educating yourselves on new things? Take some time to explore magazines and websites that talk about sex. Maybe allow yourselves one day every so often where you both go away to research and find new things that you haven’t tried or didn’t know about. Then come back to discuss your findings together or even send your partner a message with the things you found and like – to create excitement! You might find something that you both are equally excited about that you want to try too. If you don’t allow time to research and educate yourselves then it’s likely you will get stuck in a habit that won’t always satisfy you, so allow yourselves to be open to more!
As with anything in a marriage, you must always communicate openly with your partner. Especially with anything that you don’t feel comfortable with. Creating habits around sex and intimacy are proven to have a real impact on couples in terms of feeling both appreciated and satisfied. Whatever habits you add in are personal to you both but make sure to always say if you aren’t ok with something just as much as you should communicate something you want to do or try.
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