Getting married at any age is a personal decision. But marrying later in life, it can bring out unhelpful comments and outdated opinions. Whether it is someone questioning your choice to marry again, suggesting your plans are too extravagant, or hinting that you should “tone it down”, these opinions can be irritating and, at times, hurtful. We have caught up with relationship coach, Rachel Rose, who shares some of her brilliant advice on marrying later in life.
Challenge ageist assumptions early
Many negative comments stem from ageism. There is still a stereotype that marriage is only for people in their twenties or thirties, and that if you are older, your relationship matters less. This is nonsense. Marriage later in life is just as valid, joyful and meaningful. If someone makes a throwaway remark like “Isn’t it a bit late for all that?” or “What’s the point now?”, it is perfectly reasonable to say “It’s never too late to choose love.” A clear, confident response lets people know you will not entertain those views.
“If you’re marrying later than what some consider “traditional,” you may hear negative comments; things like, “Aren’t you too old for a hen party?” or “You can’t wear a white dress at your age.” Society has a way of imposing arbitrary timelines on major life events, especially marriage. But here’s the truth: You don’t owe marriage to anyone, let alone by a certain age.
Most of the people making these comments are projecting their own insecurities. Those who are genuinely happy and content with their own lives will support you. On the other hand, many people settle – whether it’s for a partner, a wedding they didn’t truly want, or in-law dynamics they tolerate but don’t love. Some of those same people now feel resentment toward their own choices. Seeing you take an unconventional path gives them an excuse to criticize, but remember: it’s not really about you.”
Wear what you want, not what others expect
There is a persistent belief that older brides should avoid wearing white, steer clear of anything ‘big’ or avoid traditional wedding attire altogether. This is deeply rooted in outdated ideas about age and visibility. If you want to wear a full gown, veil, tux, jumpsuit or sequins from head to toe, do it. Your outfit should reflect your style, not someone else’s expectation of what is ‘age appropriate’. Looking and feeling great in what you wear is far more important than fitting a narrow idea of how someone your age should dress.
“You will always be “too young” or “too old” in someone’s eyes. And if it’s not about age, people will find something else, maybe they’ll say you could’ve chosen a better partner or had a fancier wedding. The best thing you can do is tune out the noise and stay grounded in what feels right for you. Your relationship isn’t held together by other people’s opinions; it’s built on the love, values, and choices you and your partner make together.
So wear the dress you want. Celebrate however you like. Your journey is yours alone – own it unapologetically.”
Ignore pressure to ‘keep it low key’
People may assume that if you are getting married later in life, it should be small, quiet or purely practical. But if you want a big party, a dramatic venue or to make a real moment of it, go ahead. Planning a wedding later in life often means having more clarity around what you want and need. Whether that means a lavish celebration or a private ceremony, the choice is yours. Do not let anyone’s disapproval make you shrink your plans.
“Consider shopping for your wedding dress alone. This might sound unconventional, but shopping solo allows you to hear your own thoughts without external influence. If this isn’t an option, do two dress-shopping days: get your actual dress in private and then have a separate fun shopping trip with family or friends. That way, you get the dress you love while also giving others a moment to feel involved without their opinions steering your decision.”
Be clear about your boundaries
Sometimes it is not just casual comments but ongoing interference. If friends or family are repeatedly questioning your decisions, it may be time for a direct conversation. Saying something like “I appreciate your opinion, but we’re planning this in a way that feels right for us” is a respectful way to draw a line. You do not need to justify your decisions beyond that. You are not asking for permission.
“Be intentional about who you share your news with first. Not everyone has the emotional capacity to hold space for your joy. Share your engagement or wedding plans first with the people who genuinely love and support you without making it about them. These are the ones who will celebrate with you rather than try to bring your energy down with their unsolicited “reality checks.”
Surround yourself with support
Seek out people who celebrate your relationship and your plans without judgement. Whether that is your partner, close friends, chosen family or your community, their support will help drown out the noise from anyone being negative. If you are using suppliers, choose people who respect and welcome couples marrying later in life. You deserve to feel seen and understood at every stage of your planning.
“Don’t fuel negative conversations – respond with curiosity. When someone makes a negative comment, instead of defending yourself or arguing, turn the focus back on them. Ask, “That’s an interesting perspective, why do you think that?” More often than not, they’ll reveal that their comment is based on outdated beliefs, projection, or insecurity. You don’t have to lower your energy by arguing; let their own words expose the weak foundation of their opinion.”
Let go of perfection
You may feel under pressure to prove something, especially if people have questioned you marrying later in life. Try not to let that push you into trying to create a ‘perfect’ day. A wedding at any age is about meaning, not performance. Focus on what feels authentic, not on proving others wrong.
“Speak about your marriage plans with clarity and confidence. When discussing your wedding, present your decisions as facts, not requests for validation. For example, instead of saying “I’m thinking of doing this…” say “This is what we’re doing.” People are far less likely to challenge something that’s framed as a firm decision rather than an open discussion.”
Celebrate the life you bring to this moment
Marrying later in life is not a compromise. It is often a choice made with full awareness of who you are and what matters to you. Your history, experiences and the journey that brought you here are strengths, not things to minimise. Anyone who cannot see that is bringing their own baggage. You do not need to carry it.
“At the end of the day, your marriage is about you and your partner, not society’s expectations. Stay grounded in your truth, make choices that align with your happiness, and let the rest fade into the background.”
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